


Darkened Nights and Violent Things

by britishbusters



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Safari AU, cute animals tho i promise, idk what this is I'm sorry, side larry - Freeform, some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 08:37:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1068380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/britishbusters/pseuds/britishbusters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you had asked the lot of them a month ago to take a trip to Africa, there would be a chorus of no’s and Zayn knows that for a fact.</p>
<p>(Or Louis treats them to a 5-star vacation, Harry loves Louis too much, Zayn is too stubborn for love, and Niall just wants to try new food.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Deep Like Airline Failure

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write ranger!Liam and that's basically where this stemmed from. A lot of this is personal experience, since I've been to Africa but some might be incorrect and I apologize if it is. Updates will be on wednesdays :) Enjoy! Feel free to leave comments, I'm also on tumblr at britishbusters.tumblr.com!
> 
> Title is from the song Love At First Sight by The Brobecks.

It’s dark with nightfall and the constellations are becoming inherently clear, looking so close that you think you could touch them. The only thing clearly visible are the dim lights on the head-set tellys; some watching movies, others leaving them on while they try to complete the impossible task of sleeping on an uncomfortable and crowded airplane. Zayn stretches slightly, knocking into Niall in the process who, unsurprisingly, is completely knocked out since that boy has the ability to sleep anywhere. He peers between the seats and Harry and Louis are asleep behind them, Louis curled up in Harry’s lap like a cat and Zayn’s only slightly jealous that he doesn’t have a body to cling to in the dark.

If you had asked the lot of them a month ago to take a trip to Africa, there would be a chorus of no’s and Zayn knows that for a fact. This was the last place he thought he would ever visit, because really, who visits Africa for fun? Harry had come up with the idea while they were holed up in his and Lou’s flat, wasted on good company and some cheap wine they found in the bottom cupboard. Louis obviously thought it was a terrific idea and with the amount of money the lad has from his father’s inheritance he offered to pay for everyone to go, provided they make an effort to enjoy themselves. Niall agreed once he googled _“African delicacies”_ and found the results more than appealing, and Zayn, well, he got sent on a mighty guilt trip and, c’mon, who can say no to three pairs of puppy eyes?! So now here they are, trapped on a crowded South African flight with at least ten crying babies and some really bad airline food. The books and brochures they bought made the place seem decent. South Africa looks beautiful, but Zayn just wasn’t sure the safari junk was going to be a good time. Only rich tossers go on luxury safaris and they certainly were the farthest things from rich.

“Hey,” Harry whispers. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping mate?”

Zayn can hear him shuffling, small grunts escaping his lips as he tries to get comfortable without disrupting Louis. “I was, but can only sleep so long sitting up, and these chairs aren’t exactly laced in egyptian cotton sheets,” he says, turning to catch Harry’s eyes through the seats.

Harry giggles, throwing his arms to the side to stretch slowly. “How much longer do we have, it feels like I’ve been on this plane for an eternity,” Zayn asks, and really, who thought a 12 hour flight was a good idea? Harry glances at his watch, squinting his eyes to make out the time in the darkness.

“Just two hours mate, should be getting breakfast soon. Probably timed it with the sunrise those clever little shits.”

Zayn thanks him with a smile and turns around, attempting to get back into a comfortable position. He hasn’t had a fag since they checked-in in London and his lungs are itching for the slow and familiar crawl of smoke and nicotine. He wastes the rest of the flight staring out at the sky, watching the blend of colors as the sun peeks its head up across the horizon as if it’s asking for permission to rise. They all exit the plane, and it only takes them twenty minutes to find their way to the baggage terminal. Zayn thinks this place is already too hot and muggy for him, his skin too used to the frigid air of Bradford that strolls in through his windows during the night when he leaves them open to smoke while he works.

“Zayner! Mate! Sit down with Lou, yeah? I’ll grab the bags with Harry,” Niall yells as he gestures to the bench Louis is sitting at. He nods and tosses his bag on an empty seat and stands in front of Louis.

“Hey man, you alright? You look a bit rough,” Zayn asks, noticing Lou is doubled over with his head in his hands. He waits for an answer but nothing comes, so he leans down to rub slow circles on Louis’ back. Zayn wonders if he’s sick, but he doesn’t see the boys sick too often. They all take quite good care of themselves, but he knows it’s all mainly cause Harry’s in med school and uses them as easy patients, but he never lets him take all the credit.

Louis finally looks up, takes a deep breath and stares Zayn in the eye until it becomes too much for both of them. Zayn looks down, unsure of what to say but he doesn’t have to think that hard because Lou waves a hand in front of his face.

“I heard Harry whispering to me while he thought I was asleep,” and the poor lad, he looks absolutely _terrified_.

“Okay? And what’s the issue here, he whispers things to you all the time Lou.”

“Yeah, but not these kind of things.. He said I was beautiful Zayn, that he loves me but definitely doesn’t deserve me.” Lou sucks in a breath with the last words, staring at him and waiting intently on what Zayn can only assume is a philosophical answer to his problems.

“He loves you Louis, you know that. You just need to make sure you make him feel wanted and loved too, like he does with you.”

Louis opened his mouth, but was interrupted by the sound of bags hitting the floor.

“Lads! Time for us to go do manly lad things, like hunt animals and drive land rovers,” Niall says with a laugh and a grin, and they all agree quickly while grabbing their bags and walking towards the exit. Louis grabs Zayn’s wrist and when Zayn looks down at him he thinks he sees not only a smile, but a lifetime of thank you’s in Louis’ eyes.


	2. Doses and Mimosas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Updates on wednesdays (or maybe earlier if I feel like it). :)

A luxury safari not only includes the best lodges, rangers, and chefs, but also a personal chaperone. The man is waiting for them at the exit with a small sign that says TOMLINSON across it. Louis grins at the sign, clearly feeling more important than he actually is, and greets the man with a handshake and a, “Hey mate, lets get a move on!”

They pile into an odd looking van, two seats on each side with 6 rows, and complimentary water bottles with “Sabi Sabi” on the label. Zayn takes a seat in the very back corner, slipping on his headphones and letting Miguel lull him into a soft sleep. 

Their first stop on the trip is a very expensive hotel in Cape Town, and a downtime of two days before they fly out to Johannesburg for the real safari. Louis is the first out of the van when they get there and the boys all grab their bags and strut into the hotel lobby, Zayn being the only one to hang back and tip the driver for his trouble. 

A lady by the name of Corinne helps them check-in, telling them they will be on the island and that she will have a guide escort them to their rooms shortly. Zayn doesn’t know what she means by ‘island’ since there’s no water around them and it just looks like a normal building to him, but he figures he’ll just have to wait and find out. 

They take a seat in the common area, Harry pulling Louis into his lap causing the other guests to look over with hushed tones and not so subtle stares. Niall immediately flags down a waitress, using his Irish accent to get her to rush order his food.

“Hey you tossers, what do you want to drink, I already ordered our food,” Niall asks, while flipping through the drink menu. 

“Two screwdrivers please,” Louis says with a wink, and Zayn just asks for a water because c’mon, it’s like noon. Niall settles for a mimosa and a few more flirty lines before the waitress exits with a quaint smile and a slight look of relief and Zayn is sure he’s the only one that notices. 

Shortly after Niall’s food arrives the escort comes by to take them to their rooms. They all get up and start to follow him towards the glass door, Niall looking back forlornly at the forgotten food. The door leads to a stone patio with a large staircase leading down to another level, and Zayn now realizes why it’s called an island. Their rooms are tiny flats located on a man made island connected to the land by bridge, with a small river flowing around and through the hotel grounds. He can spot a marina further down the water and a few kayakers floating through the river. The grounds are littered with trees and flowers on every inch of land.

Harry nudges him and shoots him a wink before saying, “Beautiful, ain’t it? Louis looked for days to find this place. Had to call at least ten times a day to get a reservation.” And Zayn knows exactly why. 

They cross over the bridge and settle on the island, the guide pointing out the pool, spa, and bar, and then shoving Niall towards a door before saying, “Your room is at the top of the stairs sir, would you like help with your bags?” 

Niall quickly shakes his head and says goodbye to them, heading up the glass staircase. Zayn gets pushed to the suite below Niall’s, no glass staircase thankfully because that's a disaster waiting to happen, while Harry and Louis get the next suite over. 

Zayn slides his keycard through the lock, and opens the door into a foyer. He has a queen bed, a sitting area, flat screen tv, and a balcony with chairs and a delightful view of the river and the flats across from him. He walks into a small walk-in closet and a bathroom that only the filthy rich could afford. The whole room was golden marble with glass doors, double sinks, and a tub that he could probably drown in. 

After setting up his things in the room he jumps in the bed to take a quick kip, but as soon as he feels himself drifting there’s incessant banging on his door. Zayn groans but reluctantly gets up and opens the door. 

“Hey stranger,” Louis says as he brushes passed Zayn and into the room. “How do you like the place? Niall is already in the pool and Harry his scoping out the restaurants around the area for tonight.” 

Zayn watches as Lou spread himself out on the couch, no care in the world, with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. 

“Well, you’re in a better mood,” he grumbles, annoyed at the intrusion. “But yeah, place is nice. How much did this set you back mate?”

“Not all that much, 5 star hotel though, so take it all in while we’re here. That bed is amazing, have you tried it yet? Harry and I will have some fun on that thing tonight, too bad you-”

“Yes Louis, too bad I don’t have someone to have endless sex with in a massive hotel bed. Can you stop rushing me into things, I don’t need a relationship to make me happy.”

Louis looks over his shoulder and raises both eyebrows with a smug look. “Is that so? Alright then captain lonely, enjoy that kip I know I interrupted. Have fun sleeping alone, I’ll come grab you for dinner.” And with that Louis is gone, door slamming shut behind him. 

Zayn sighs and scrubs his hands over his face. He doesn’t need a boyfriend, he can be on his own and be completely fine.. But as he starts to drift into sleep again, Zayn starts to think that maybe Louis is right, maybe he really is lonely.


	3. Paper Moon

That night they decide to eat at the hotel to recuperate from the jet lag. It’s a short meal, not much talking between them, and Zayn thinks it’s just because they’re incredibly tired. Louis pays for the meal with a sly wink and a large tip for the waitress, and they walk in eery silence to the island. Everything around the hotel is lit up by tiny lights imbedded in the path and the treetops, and Zayn thinks it’s even more gorgeous covered in darkness. Niall says a short goodbye, telling them he’s going to get their arses up for breakfast and to be ready in the morning.

“What a little fucker,” Harry whispers. “I’ll get up whenever I want to thanks, those beds are incredible, did Louis tell you how-” But Zayn cuts him off abruptly with a, ”Yes, for the love of God I do not need to be reminded of your thriving sex life. Good night.” And he can hear Louis giggling as he walks into his room.

The next morning comes quicker than he’s expecting, and his room is absolutely illuminated by the shining sun. Zayn rolls over with a grunt to check the clock- 9:20AM is what it is, and he has no idea why he’s even awake right now. But it’s ridiculously hard trying to fall back asleep with that blisteringly bright sunlight hitting his face, so Zayn decides he’ll just get up to shower. He pads towards the bed once he’s done, since he laid out his clothes like his mum always taught him, while he towels off his hair. His doorbell rings - _and wait, he has a fucking doorbell too? Seriously?_ \- and Zayn assumes it’s Niall coming to drag him to breakfast. Sure enough, the blond Irish charmer is standing in his doorway with a bright grin as he pushes his way into the room.

“Mate let’s go, I’m starving! Haven’t eaten since dinner and that’s just torture,” he hears him say between crunches of those crisps Zayn had left on his table. He gets dressed quickly, and they head towards the building alone. When Zayn had asked why Louis and Harry weren’t coming, Niall shuddered and said he figured they were too busy, what with all the inhuman noises coming through the door. They both try to push the images out of their minds as they enter the room, both making quick work of the buffet offered.

The rest of the day is an easy one, the lot of them strolling through the boardwalk and Louis almost dies from fits of laughter when Niall gets chased by security for crossing the restricted access line of the marina. Zayn is tired from walking; he never gets this much exercise in a year, let alone one day, so he stops at a bench to watch his best mates chase some seagulls. He takes his pack out of his pocket, knocks a fag out and lights up, not wanting to waste any time to feel that pull of the nicotine against his ribcage.

The place is beautiful, Zayn’s gotta admit, but he knows he could never live some place like this. It’s too.. cultural, and the community is too warm and inviting for his liking. They had stepped into the central area at one point, a band playing and a big group of locals dancing to the beat in a circle. Tourists and other locals were surrounding them, watching in awe as they moved in synchronicity, the love seeping out of the circle and into the air. But it wasn’t Zayn’s taste at all. He’s used to the harsh reality of Bradford and London, with no one really giving a damn about anyone else but themselves and that’s all he’s ever known.

The sun is starting to set, making a backdrop against the boardwalk that Zayn wishes he could paint in his memory forever. Harry runs up to him then, interrupting his moment, “Niall’s hungry, surprise surprise, so we’re gunna walk by the mall to find a restaurant. You game?” Zayn nods and stubs out the last of his fag. They walk towards the mall, which is actually a decent mall for such a far out city, and it’s fully dark now, the path being lighted by muted conversations and lamp posts. Niall picks a restaurant that has a delicacy tasting platter and no one really objects because a full Niall is a happy Niall. The walls are all exposed brick, the lighting dark with just candles on the tables to see by, and Zayn wonders what’s the point of company if you can’t even see them.

“So Zayn, seen anything you fancy around here?” Louis says with a smug smile, and Harry glances over at him as if to say _you don’t need to answer that_ , but Zayn knows Louis won’t stop until he assures him he’s fine alone. His last breakup was rough, Max being his first serious relationship since Perrie, and it was messy mainly because Max cheated on him with the wanker that lived down the hall. Louis always knew it would end badly, but Zayn had tried to convince them that Max was a good guy. Turns out he was wrong, and he’s been guarded ever since, believing he could live the rest of his life alone.

“Nothing mate, and I’m not really looking too closely. You know I’m not on this vacation to find myself a partner, I’m here to try and center myself.” And Niall nods knowing it’s the truth. Niall’s been the only one to really sit and listen to Zayn tell him that he’ll be okay on his own, and he’s the only one to actually support Zayn in his decision to stay single. He knows Harry would, but Louis has a strong hold on that poor sap’s mind, so he knows he’d just try to convince him otherwise.

“Whatever, you can’t live your whole life alone Zayn. I’m not letting you become one of those stupid tortured artists they write novels about.”

And thank god Harry steps in, with a quick glance to Zayn and a soft hand on Louis arm. “Lou.. Leave him alone, he’ll figure things out for himself. You don’t need to be his life coach, just be his best mate.” Louis glares at him and they continue to sit in tense silence while Niall stuffs his face with bread and wine.

The meal is interesting to say the least. With enough wine in all of them the conversation flowed effortlessly, no relationship talk at all for the rest of the night, and Zayn is thankful for that. They all had an array of things to try like crocodile, kudu, billtong, ostrich, bobotie, and boerewors. Harry looked a bit sick through the whole meal, maybe cause of all the dead animals but Louis and Niall ate it up like it was the greatest thing they had ever had. Zayn was content with just the boerewors and some malva pudding for dessert, not really feeling the whole “eat every animal on the planet” thing that everyone seemed to endorse.

A few more glasses of wine later and they decide to head back to the hotel for a much needed sleep before their next flight out. With quick, drunken goodbyes and a few stumbles they all make it safely to their respected rooms and Zayn falls asleep quickly with dreams of his best mates painted against a rose colored sky.


	4. Break My Fall

The flight to Johannesburg is a short one, giving Zayn only an hour to regret his decision to join the lads on this trip. They all left the hotel mid-afternoon, but not before Harry rushed them to the nearest safari clothing shop to stock up on gear. 

The lady was very helpful, but Zayn knew she was just trying to con them into buying more and more useless things. “You’re supposed to wear neutral colors, dear. No brights- it attracts the animals,” she says with a smile and her stupid long fingernails wagging in Zayn’s face. He wants to leave, but Louis insists that Harry is right, their wardrobe just will not do for this trip. So they all agree on 3 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, and a few stupid hats that he knows they don’t need, but they buy anyway. Three hours later they’re finally out of the shop and re-packing their bags to fit the new additions before heading out the door of the hotel. 

Louis switched seats with Niall to sit with Zayn on the flight, and Zayn doesn’t really want to speak with him because it always ends up being about his lack of a love life. He swears he doesn’t need anyone, there are plenty of people on the planet that are single for life, right? Besides, being a tortured artist is what pays the bills, and Zayn’s not about to let his flat go just because his mates want him to be in a stable relationship. 

Lou grabs his wrist suddenly and when Zayn looks over he sees annoyance flicker through his eyes. “Zaaaaaayn, I came up here so that I could ask for your advice. Are you really going to ignore me the whole flight?” And he’s whining, high-pitched and an exaggerated pout on his lips. Zayn rolls his eyes, because of course that’s the only reason his best mate would want to sit beside him. God forbid he choose to ignore the arse. 

“Go on Lou, I know it’s about Harry.”

“Yeah, wait.. How’d you know?” And Zayn can’t help but burst into a fit of laughter. Does Louis really not realize he has no thoughts that don’t revolve completely around Harry’s being?

“C’mon Lou, you’re completely lost for the guy. What’s up?”

‘Well.. I dunno. I feel like I can’t love him the way he needs, and he says he doesn’t deserve me but that’s the farthest thing from the truth, Zayn. I just don’t know what to do. Can you talk to him for me? Maybe figure out what I can do to make him believe that he deserves all of me, that I’m the one who doesn’t deserve him. He’s the greatest thing to happen to me Zayn, please.” 

Louis stops talking, but Zayn knows it’s just because his lip is quivering and the tears are slowly rolling down his cheeks. Zayn hugs him, making sure to cover Louis’ face so Harry doesn’t see that he’s upset, before whispering, “Shhhh Lou, it’s okay. That boy will love you forever, no matter what he believes. But yeah, I can talk to him if that’s what you want.”

“Thanks Zayn, really,” is all Louis mumbles and that’s all Zayn really needs. 

The plane lands shortly after and they head through another security check before grabbing their bags. Zayn thinks the extra security measures are weird, but he supposes it makes him feel slightly safer given the area they’re in. Another driver is waiting for them at the exit, with yet another sign that says TOMLINSON. Louis doesn’t grin this time, just says a quick hello and asks him to take them to the car. Zayn knows he’s upset, but he wonders why Lou is so scared that Harry will leave him. Those two are inseparable, and clearly they don’t notice that they are absolutely bat shit crazy about each other.

The van is the same as the one in Cape Town, and Zayn quickly takes the same seat in the back by the window. After a quick conversation with the driver about how long the drive is, Zayn slips on his headphones again and curls up in the seat to take a much needed kip. It feels like he’s slept for 5 minutes before he’s awoken to screaming, tearing off his headphones as he jumps up from his seat, but all he sees is a stopped car on a dirt road with his three best mates pushed up against the window. Zayn slowly walks over, resting a hand on Niall’s shoulder to hold his balance, and peers out the window. There’s a group of zebra right outside the van, so close you can see the distinct lines in the fur where it changes color.  

“They’re beautiful,” Zayn whispers and he feels Niall nod beside him. They sit there for a short while, watching the zebra swat their tails around, but the driver says they’re running late and the rangers will kill him if he postpones this any longer. Zayn decides to stay with Niall, seeing no point in moving for such a short ride, and all he can see out the windows is grass, trees, and some more grass. _Hopefully the whole trip isn’t this bland, what a waste of money this would be_ , he thinks. 

Niall breaks the silence, “So hey, do you have any information about our ranger? Is she hot?” and of course that’s the one question he asks. Everyone groans except the driver who lets out a hearty laugh. 

“No, I believe you’ll have either Richard or Liam. Both are great, their whole lives revolve around this game reserve so they’re the best ones in the area. You boys got lucky.” 

Zayn thinks luck has nothing to do with it, Louis probably forked out enough money to support the lodge for the next two years. 

“How old are they? I don’t want to hang around old guys for the next week,” Louis says and Zayn can see Harry give him a quick smack to the head with an audible thump. 

“Richard is in his 30’s, but Liam is a newbie here. Still one of the best, but he’s only 24. Lots of tough years ahead for him, that’s for sure.” And with that the driver pulls up slowly to a large fence and they can see the security guards blocking their entrance. 

“Well fellas, this is where I let you go. You’ll transfer vans here and then I’ll be picking you up again when your stay is over. Enjoy yourself, and don’t get eaten by anything.” But he lets out a laugh and a smile when he says it, removing their bags and transferring them to a different van. 

They all shuffle across the dirt and into the new van,  Zayn noticing the staff are giving them looks of disdain and he’s very uncomfortable all of a sudden. The four of them slip into their new seats and wave a goodbye to their old driver as they start to venture deeper into the reserve. They arrive 5 minutes later, to a small building that has lush vegetation growing up and around it, and two people standing outside waiting for them. 

The man introduces himself as Hugo, and the woman as Faith. Hugo ushers the boys into the building’s foyer and Zayn is already amazed. The inside is all wood with expensive tile flooring, plush couches everywhere, a fireplace, and what looks to be a very large dining room table. If he didn’t know any better, Zayn would think they were in a normal swanky hotel and not in the middle of fucking nowhere. 

“Hiya boys, I’m assuming you’re the Tomlinson group, yes?” Hugo asks, waiting for a reply but all he gets are a few bewildered nods. He laughs, “Right yes of course, well hello. Welcome to Sabi Sabi Bush Lodge. This will be your home for the next week or so, I hope it hasn’t already disappointed you. We’ll have a sit down in a few short minutes to go over ground rules of the area and a safety lesson, but right now we’ll take you straight to your rooms.” 

Zayn wants them to hurry up so he can see more of the area, and to more importantly, take a much needed piss. They receive their keys, Zayn’s being room 5, and a guide escorts them through the camp to their cabins. The boys all give a slight wave to each other before disappearing into their rooms. They’re small, Zayn will admit, but he doesn’t really know what to expect in the first place so he supposes they’re more than okay. The bathroom has a large soaker tub, a glass shower, and a door to the balcony. While the room has one double bed, an armoire, some chairs and tables, and the other entrance to the balcony. But no telly. 

“There’s no telly?” Zayn whispers aloud and he feels dumb after he says it because, of course you moron, they’re in the literal middle of nowhere. He sighs, placing his bag near the armoire, noticing a coffee station tucked in the corner, and he’s silently thanking God for the free coffee in his room. 

They all meet up again to head to the safety meeting, and Niall punches him in the arm, whispering about how “It must be really dangerous huh? If they’re giving us a safety meeting and shit?”, and Zayn really doesn’t want to know any of this because he’d rather not know what his chances of dying out here are. But before he knows it he’s tripping on a faulty stone in the pathway, flying forward. As Zayn braces himself for the hard contact of the ground, he realizes he hasn’t hit the ground yet and feels the warm arms of someone holding him up. 

“Oh God Niall, thanks bro. Thought I was gunna shatter my arm or something fuck,” is all Zayn says before he looks up into golden brown eyes and a dopey smile.

“Sorry mate, I’m not Niall, but I am your ranger Liam. It’s nice to meet you.” And Christ, Zayn is so totally fucked.


	5. The Tallest Man, The Broadest Shoulders

Zayn wants to crawl into a hole and never come out. As soon as Liam introduces himself, Zayn’s mouth falls open and he makes a choked sound, causing Louis to fall to the ground in a massive fit of laughter. This boy is absolutely gorgeous, and Zayn isn’t sure why someone as chiseled and _warm_ as him is stuck out here in isolation. 

 Liam lets go of Zayn’s hand, wiping the sweat on his khaki pants while ducking his head to catch Zayn’s eyes. 

 “Hello? Hey mates, is he like deaf or mute or something? Am I making a complete ass of myself here?” And Liam looks so worried that he’s done something wrong, so Zayn coughs to gain back his attention. 

 “I’m Zayn, it’s uh, nice to meet you Liam.” And Liam smiles at him so brightly, with an added, “Oh you do talk! Well c’mon, we’ve got rules to go over!” as he ushers Zayn towards the table. 

 They’ve prepared a small snack buffet for them, which has Niall’s attention instantly, and they all sit down to listen to Hugo give them the low down on the area. It’s basically just common sense things like ‘don’t reach out to touch the animals’, and ‘don’t stand suddenly on the drive’, and ‘try not to make too much noise, especially if you’re around the lions’. Louis has his head on Zayn’s shoulder and is motioning for them to get on with it already, because really, they get it. But then Hugo stops talking and Liam takes over.

 “We’ve had a slight flooding problem here over the last few months, so unfortunately our security systems are down and our fencing has been washed away. But don’t panic I’ll take care of you lot, you’re the only ones here for the week. I’ll just have to walk you to and from your rooms in the morning and at night, in case we get any large animals in here.” 

 “Yes Liam, thank you. You all have telephones in your rooms, so just call our office and Liam will be over right away to escort you to and from places on the grounds.” And Hugo has a blistering smile on his face, even though they just told the four of them that they literally could be attacked at any moment. 

 “Well that’s going to be interesting.” Niall says through a mouth full of food and Harry laughs.

 “Yeah Niall, I hope you get eaten by a lion while we’re here, then maybe you’ll stop ransacking my flat for food.” Which earns Harry a nice smack upside the head from Zayn who tells him to be nice. 

 “Now now lads, that’s all there is right Hu? Breakfast is at 6am everyday, with game drive at 7am. Then I’ll bring you back here for lunch cause it’s your siesta time, and then it’s game drive again at 4pm. Dinner is usually dependent on when I wanna come back, so there’s no set schedule for that. Sound good?” And they all nod at Liam as he slaps Hugo on the back and picks up a croissant from the table. “Now, it’s time I take you on your first game drive since your siesta ended, approximately 10 minutes ago,” Liam says looking at his watch, “so go get changed cause those clothes don’t look too comfy.” 

 And with that, they all get escorted by another staff member, with what looks like a gun on his belt, and that only slightly worries Zayn. Harry yells at them to wear the stuff they bought and Zayn gives him an audible groan as he steps into his room. 

 --

They meet again in the common room five minutes later, all matching in khaki pants, shirts with mesh on the sides, and floppy hats. Liam looks up as they walk in and in a split second he’s doubled over, clutching his belly and laughing. 

 “What the fuck, why are you laughing?” Louis spits at him, and Zayn’s a bit confused himself. They haven’t done anything since stepping up the stairs, just stood there waiting for someone to acknowledge them and tell them where to go. 

 “Hugo!” Liam yells, and Hugo comes running in from the office by the doors with a panicked look. “Look at them Hu, oh god, just look!” And Liam is still laughing, his round face turning redder by the second. 

 “Oi, look at you guys. Did you buy all that or happen to have a trunk load of khaki at home?” And now Hugo is laughing, some other staff members slowly coming out to see what the commotion is about. Zayn is blushing out of embarrassment, Niall is eating his left over danish clearly not caring, and Harry and Lou look about ready to bust a cap into Hugo.

 “I’m so sorry guys,” Liam gets out before taking a deep breath and straightening up. “We don’t see many people like you lot here often. It’s cute, how dressed up you are. Shows you’re committed to the experience, I like that.” And he smiles, making Zayn flush even more since it seems like Liam is looking _directly_ at him instead of the others. 

 “Alright alright, get on now Li. You’re 30 minutes over your drive time, I’m not postponing dinner for you tonight. Be back in two hours.” Hugo says before slinking his way back to the office. 

 Once the crowd dissipates and everyone is done making them the butt of the joke, Liam leads them to the land rover. 

 “Okay, so someone gets the lucky job of sitting up here with me, who’s it gunna be?” 

 Niall jumps in immediately, earning him a high five from Liam. Zayn gets the unfortunate spot in the middle, but oh well, he’ll trade with the others tomorrow or something. Liam gets in and starts the truck, adjusting his mirror, and again, Zayn is certain Liam catches his eyes in the rearview, but he mentally slaps himself cause Liam would never be interested in a guy like him. Zayn is almost certain Liam is straight, so he _really_ needs to stop thinking about those dark brown eyes laced with golden honey. 

 “This is my tracker Sully,” Liam yells over the engine, pointing to a large man who looks like a giant teddy bear. “Sully is literally the best tracker in the biz, you are very lucky to have him on your trip, so say hi!” 

 And they all give out a quick hey, while Zayn mumbles a hello. He doesn’t deal well with people, okay? No one needs to be social to get through life, he’s content with being the loner that people don’t pay attention to. Sully waves and takes a seat up in the very front of the truck, on the hood right by the headlights. 

 “Alright lads, lets get this show going. I’ll try to show you the big 5 while you’re here, no actually wait, I promise you that you’ll see the big 5. I’ll _try_ to get the other animals along too.” 

 Liam hits the gas and they get quickly lost in the trees, the four of them smiling because yeah, maybe this trip was a good idea.


	6. Help Me Lose My Mind

Liam drives slowly down the dirt road, Sully giving him directions with his hands and they’re both speaking in a language none of them have heard. He continues down, turning off toward a large tree and a small clearing where he parks and shuts off the engine. Turning towards the three of them in the back Liam breaks the silence, “Okay be quiet, yeah? Just whisper if you really need to talk. Sully found some giraffe tracks and says they disappeared into this clearing, so we’re trying to determine how long ago that was.” 

 Sully starts speaking again, and still they’re speaking in a different language that Zayn thinks is literally made up because they’re random sounds and words that he’s never learned about in his past literature courses. 

 “Mate, what language are you even speaking?” Niall asks Liam with a wave between him and Sully. 

 “Oh, it’s a language trackers use to communicate with each other. It was designed to not disrupt others around them when there was a danger nearby. Kept the peace, so no one would panic, you know? Rangers don’t need to know it, but I learned it so I could feel better connected with my trackers. It’s like.. a mix between Afrikaans and Dutch kinda. Really hard to learn to be honest, 0 out of 10, would not recommend.” He says with a small giggle and turns his attention back to Sully who is off the truck now, looking around the clearing. 

 He walks back slowly gesturing to the left of them and saying something to Liam who nods, says something back, and starts the engine. Sully jumps back on and they start to drive again, tearing around the trees and Zayn is sure this isn’t a safe way to be driving, but damn it, does Liam’s hair not look amazing all windswept like that. And god, Zayn needs to quit it, he does not need to start having a crush on this poor innocent lad. He closes his eyes to keep from staring and feels them slow down, hears Harry say wow with a sharp intake of breath, so he opens his eyes. 

 In front of them is 3 giraffes, all snacking on the leaves on the trees. Sully looks back at Liam with a smile, and Liam gives him a thumbs up. 

 “So here you go guys, one part of the big 5. Told ya I’d show you. Just be quiet, they run at any big noises.” 

 So they all stay still, admiring the beauty in front of them. Louis has his camera out, snapping picture after picture and Zayn wishes he could touch one, especially one out in the wild. 

 “You see them in zoos right, like all caged up, beautiful too, but in the wild my god mate, they are something else,” Niall whispers to them, and Harry nods in agreement. Their spots are so _distinct_ and Zayn wishes he had something he could use to draw them or paint them; to capture the way the light hits their tanned fur, the swipe of their tail and the way their tongue peeks out to capture the leaves on the branches. 

“Zayn, whatcha thinking about?” He hears Louis ask and he didn’t realize his mouth was open until now, and he gets proper embarrassed. He coughs, “Uh, painting them. Or drawing them too I guess. Just wish I could capture the light and the colors, the beauty of them in the wild.” And Harry smiles at him, says he should use Louis’ photos to do it when they get back home and Zayn agrees with a small smile. 

 Liam turns back to him then, with a look of what Zayn thinks is.. _admiration_? 

 “You paint? I love art, just have never been able to do anything myself. I’m not very artistic, never was, just strong and athletic, so arts weren’t my thing. But I love to look at the stuff.” 

 Zayn smiles, “Yeah, I’m an artist actually. Not all that good, but it pays my bills so I guess I’m decent enough.”

 “Oh c’mon Zaynie, don’t be modest,” Niall laughs, “You’re amazing and you know it. He’s got his own studio and he has a gallery that sells his art all the time. He’s proper brilliant this one.” And Niall winks at him and he can feel the blush start to crawl up his cheeks. 

 “That’s great mate, I’m sure it’s some good stuff. You should show me some of it, if you can,” Liam says with a wink as he turns around in his seat. Zayn is blushing harder and Louis is staring at him, no doubt trying to figure out what’s going through Zayn’s head, so he just elbows him and shakes his head. 

 They drive away a few minutes later, Liam pointing out some cool looking birds with bright feathers as they’re driving. “Sorry lads, but the two hours is up sadly, and Hugo will have my head if I don’t have you back for dinner.” Liam says, a hint of sadness in his voice, as he turns down a road with a sign that points towards their lodge. 

 They’re pulling up in no less than two minutes, Sully jumping off and heading towards what Zayn assumes is the staff quarters, and Liam is helping them all out of the truck. They enter the common room to dim lighting, the sunset behind the trees, and a set up table with waiters on either end. They all sit down, Liam giving a quick goodbye, saying he’ll be back to take them to their rooms later on. 

 They have a 3 course meal, with kudu as the main course, and some rather delicious chocolate dipped strawberries for dessert. Zayn yawns because, yeah it’s been too long of a day, and Louis asks the waiter to get Liam so they can be escorted to bed. 

 Liam comes sauntering up not too long after, with his shirt unbuttoned revealing his white vest underneath, and a smile spread across his face. Zayn still doesn’t understand how Liam is even possible, how this gorgeous thing is even.. a thing. He notices the birthmark on Liam’s neck that he hadn’t seen earlier, and the way it sits so close to his Adam’s apple, the splotch of darker skin moving in time with it as he swallows. Zayn’s mind is clouded with images of him on top of Liam, sucking at his skin,  Liam leaving temporary scratches across his back like he’s his newest piece of art.

Louis elbows him then, “Zayn? Are you coming?”, and it’s then that he realizes he’s still sitting, staring into space, while everyone else is standing across the room ready to leave.

 “Uh yeah, yeah. Sorry.” He says as he pushes back the chair and stands up, slowly stretching with his arms above his head and his shirt is riding up to expose and inch or two of skin. He puts his arms down and looks towards the lads, Niall and Harry talking with wild hand gestures and Louis slowly walking towards them with a fond smile. But then there’s Liam, who has his mouth slightly open with his tongue slowly running across his bottom lip. And Zayn scrunches his face, furrowing his brow, and Liam immediately widens his eyes and squeaks out a, “Yeah alright lets go,” before heading down the steps. 

Zayn is still confused as they begin to walk towards the little houses, Liam quite far in front with a flashlight he’s using to shine in the trees. Niall is the first in and he’s waving goodbye to them, and then it’s Harry and Louis, who don’t even bother saying goodnight to him, just thank Liam for the day they had as they disappear into their room. Liam starts walking with Zayn trailing behind and the two of them aren’t talking, which reminds him a lot of Max. 

 Zayn met him at an art gallery when he was trying to get discovered, trying to sell some art work to at least buy a pack of fags and pay the rent. Max was everything Zayn thought he needed; charming with a fat wallet and a plump set of lips that made Zayn whimper. None of the lads liked him but Zayn just didn’t care because Max gave him a sense of security, and all anyone ever needs is a set of arms to go home to at the end of a long day and Max gave him that. But he started to distance himself slowly, not holding Zayn’s hand while they walked, leaving Zayn far behind him like a piece of trash he didn’t want to be seen with. A dozen cold nights in an empty bed with no answers when Zayn asked Max where he’d been, and then it all came to light when he found him slinking out of Tom’s flat one early morning with his clothes in his hands. 

 Max had tried to get him to stay, with a, “Baby please, it isn’t what you think, it was a business meeting,” and when Zayn had spun around on his heels and pushed Max into a wall telling him he wasn’t stupid and that he could go to hell, well.. Max had punched him square in the nose. Zayn remembers the things Max had spit at him before throwing his belongings out the door, the continuous string of ‘you’re nothing, your work is shit, you will never be anything without me’, and that’s when Zayn had sworn to never be close to anyone. It’s always just a disappointment in the end. 

 Liam coughs, bringing Zayn back from his reverie, and gives him a pointed look with an added, “We’re here, uh, goodnight Zayn.” There’s a quick shared smile, while Zayn says goodnight and walks towards his door. He unlocks it and cracks it open, turning to wave to Liam, but he’s already walking back towards the staff quarters. Zayn’s stomach sinks, and it’s a weird feeling, like the death of happiness coiling around his insides and he’s not sure why it’s there. But as he steps inside and starts to close himself in he notices Liam has stopped halfway down the path, and is staring back at him, but he quickly turns and keeps on walking like he hadn’t stopped at all.


	7. I'm Here, Not There

Zayn is snuggled up on one of the lounge chairs in the common area reading Lolita for the eleventh time. The day had gone by quickly, the drives not being too eventful for the day, causing Liam to wear a permanent kicked puppy face and saying an apology every time he opened his mouth. There hadn’t been much interaction between them, kinda like Liam was keeping his distance after being caught staring last night. It wasn’t like Zayn had said anything about it, so it was only slightly annoying that he was being ignored and left out of conversation. 

 Harry was studying on the couch across him, Louis snuggled into him while attempting to use the spotty wifi to call his mum, and Niall was heavily flirting with the executive housekeeper Cher, her giggles echoing through the room. Zayn wonders what it would be like, being in such a good relationship like Lou and Harry’s, or being carefree and open like Niall. 

 He’s always been a fuck up, has never had a solid relationship and is far too shy to put himself out there. But he’s fine on his own, doesn’t need the warm body next to his or the supportive voice of someone who believes in him. He doesn’t, but deep down Zayn knows he does. Knows he wants someone to hold him when he feels useless, and someone who will make him happy because he can’t do that by himself. 

One of the bartenders, his name is actually Adorable (seriously it is), comes up behind him then, “Hey boys, you need anything? I was gunna close up the bar and head to bed, but wanted to ask,” and he receives groans from everyone and a few hand waves that tell him he’s dismissed. Zayn says goodnight to him and Adorable giggles and says goodnight while walking away towards the bar. Niall has Cher wrapped around him by the tables and Zayn laughs to himself, because really, they’ve been there 2 days and he’s already worked his Irish charm on some unsuspecting broad. 

 Just as Zayn turns his attention back to his book, the thunder roars and shakes the ground underneath them. 

 “Oi, did ya feel that!” Niall says as Cher backs up and presses a kiss to his cheek before walking towards the staff quarters. “Think I might ‘ead to the room mates, anyone up for it? Don’t wanna call Liam up ‘ere for nuffin.”

 “Yeah sure, I can read in my room anyway,” Zayn says as he closes his book and rolls off the chair. 

 “Same here, I’m sleepy and Lou is about to pass out on my shoulder. I don’t want him drooling on me, so best get him to bed,” laughs Harry who closes his own book and nudges Louis to get up. Louis groans but gets up anyway, sloppily kissing Harry which elicits another groan, this time from Harry, who wipes the spit off his face. 

 “Good idea anyway since it looks like rain is coming.. don’t really wanna walk in a thunderstorm, yeah?” Liam says coming up from behind Niall. He’s smiling but looks overcome with sleep, like he just woke up or has been trying to stay awake. His brown eyes are droopy and look impossibly more like chocolate than usual, and shit, Zayn is staring again. 

 Louis sidles up beside Zayn, with a questioning glance but then just says, “Yeah mate lets go,” to Liam before they’re all walking down the path. It starts to pour as soon as Niall closes his doors and Louis screams like a little girl with a, “Fuck! I don’t wanna get my fringe wet! I’m runnin’ for it babe!”, which causes both of them to cut across the lawn to their own room. Harry shouts a bye before closing the door and Zayn can hear him laughing. Liam gives him a nudge to keep walking so he does just that, the rain falling quickly passed his eyes, his hair and clothes absolutely drenched. 

 “Uhh, off ya go. Don’t wanna get any wetter than you are now, yeah?” Liam says quietly,  flashlight illuminating his face. The water is dripping off his nose, the thunder roaring above them, and it’s in that moment that Zayn thinks maybe Liam is nervous around him. Why, he doesn’t know, but it seems like the only plausible reason for the way he’s acting. 

 Lightning crosses the sky in a bright flash of white, causing the foliage around them to illuminate with it. It’s creepy, like something you’d see in a movie. Kinda like Jurassic Park, he thinks but then he’s interrupted by a hushed, “What?”, that escapes Liam’s pretty pink lips, and _oh god_ , did he say that out loud? 

 “Oh uh, nothing. I was just thinking, the lightning, the way it lights up the jungle. It sorta reminds me of Jurassic park, you know when it’s raining and they’re being chased by the t-rex or whatever?” And god Zayn is blushing so hard, the embarrassment of his nerdy pop culture reference written all over his face. But all Liam does is laugh. A hearty laugh, one that people only let escape when they’re genuinely happy.

 “I thought I was the only one that thought that,” Liam whispers with a gigantic smile and Zayn wants to replace that smile with his lips and soft kisses peppered down Liam’s neck. “I’m the only one around here that’s seen the movie so no one ever got my references. It’s nice to see I’m not a huge nerd. Or at least the only nerd around for now.” And Liam laughs again, nice and giggly like he’s embarrassed. 

 “You’re not the only nerd, I can assure you that,” Zayn says. “But hey, I’m bloody cold and wet. Mind if we raincheck this conversation? Oh god, no pun intended, I swear.”

 Liam smiles, pointing the flashlight towards the door as a way of acceptance. “Yeah Zayn, go on. I’m sorry I kept you, go warm up inside. I’ll see you tomorrow morning at breakfast.” 

 So Zayn thanks him and says goodnight, waving at him as he enters his room. He can hear Liam’s boots hitting the pavement as he runs, clearly trying to seek shelter from the rain. It’s warm-ish inside, a bit cold still, and the rain hits the roof loudly. Zayn sheds is wet clothes, laying them by the soaker tub to dry, and grabs a towel to rub through his wet hair. With the room in pitch darkness, Zayn lays down on the bed and curls himself tightly into the blanket, waiting for his body heat to transfer to his surroundings. 

 He falls asleep to loud thunder, rain drops, and terrifying dreams of dinosaurs and Liam. 

 

 

\---

 There’s monkeys on his roof, jumping around and banging their little fists, causing Zayn to crawl out of bed in frustration. 

 “Can you just bloody _shut up_ for a few minutes? Let a lad sleep in a little bit,” Zayn yells, but it comes out muddled by a rasp. He clears his throat and tries again, but this time it seems even worse than before. He shrugs and opens the door to the washroom, reaching over to turn on the shower. It’s a quick one, not needing to really wash up since there’s no one to impress here and everyone’s got that ‘showered only twice this week’ look going on. 

 Zayn wipes the steam off the mirror and looks at his face for a few minutes, trying to determine if he really needs to shave or if he can leave it for a couple more days. He decides on the latter and dresses quickly, throwing his now dried clothes back into his suitcase. He steps quietly over to the phone to call Hugo so he can have someone escort him to breakfast, but when he picks it up it’s dead. Puzzled, Zayn hangs the phone up and picks it up again, but much to his dismay, it’s still not working. 

 “Huh,” he huffs out while figuring it’s safe to just walk out himself since it’s bright outside. He locks the door behind him, pocketing the key, and saunters up the path. He stops just outside the common area, pulling a fag from the package in his jeans and slipping it into his mouth before lighting it, taking three quick puffs from the filter. Zayn can hear the other boys inside, but doesn’t bother peeking his head around the corner to give them a wave. He instead walks around the opposite end, heading to the pool. 

 It’s dirty, probably hadn’t been washed since the flooding, and Zayn wonders if it’s even a safe spot to have a pool. It’s so far out from the grounds, no visual to the common area or the staff quarters. And especially with the security being down, Zayn thinks it’s a stupid spot. He sucks the fag all the way down to the filter, throwing it down and stepping on it to ensure the embers are out and starts walking towards the other boys. He feels guilty though, for littering, so he turns around to pick up his discarded trash, and then continues on to the common area. 

 “Hey look who it is, our own sleeping beauty,” Louis quips before sliding Zayn a smile and a plate of croissants. He takes one delightedly, not realizing he was so hungry, and sits down beside Niall, who’s got 3 plates of food in front of him. Zayn thinks it’s kinda gross, how much that kid eats, but if you got the metabolism, ya might as well use it. 

 “How’d ya get over here? Didn’t see a staffer with you when you walked up,” Harry asks. 

 “Nah mate, the phone isn’t working so I just walked myself. It’s the light of day, I’d see a fucking lion lurking in the bushes. I’ve got eyes,” Zayn answers with a sarcastic tone and by the drop in Harry’s expression, he thinks it’s safe to assume that Harry didn’t like his answer. 

 “Whatever,” Harry mumbles and Louis strokes his face to lighten his mood before saying, “You sound like shit man, what happened to you last night?”

 “Nothing I woke up with it. Maybe it was the cold rain or something, I dunno,” Zayn says.

 But no one has the chance to reply because Hugo and Liam come walking through the area, Hugo motioning with his hands while talking, and Liam just nodding and smiling. 

 “Hey lads,” Liam says which gets him an annoyed huff from Hugo, clearly not happy with being interrupted. “How’s it going, crazy storm last night, yeah?”

 “Yeah,” Louis says, “Knocked out Zayn’s phone, might wanna go check on that.”

 “Is that so? We had some lightning, maybe your hut got struck with it,” Liam notes while turning towards Zayn. “Hugo will fix it for ya, won’t ya buddy?”

 “Yeah Payne, I’ll get someone else to do it. I’m your boss, you’re not allowed to direct me you little shit,” Hugo replies but with a goodhearted smile on his face so they know he’s kidding. Hugo waves to them then, walking back towards his office.

 “Alright, we’ve got a big day ahead. It’s gunna be a good one, I can feel it. I’ll probably take you through your nature walk,” and Liam’s interrupted by four groans but he continues with a laugh, “Oh c’mon, it won’t be that bad. You’ll have fun I promise.” 

 “About as fun as sitting my fat arse on a cactus,” Louis says.

 “Yeah mate, I’d rather not spend my afternoon on a walk in this heat,” Harry throws in. “Besides, won’t we get attacked or something?” 

 “Nah, I’ll have Sully stay with the truck and drive it back. I’ll have my rifle on me too, plus a radio in case anything goes wrong,” Liam replies, not a flicker of worry in his eyes. “But let’s get going, we’re almost late. I’ll stick some extra bottles of water in the truck for you lot.”

 They all slowly get up, piling their plates on top of one another, before pushing in their chairs. Zayn feels weird, dizzy almost, and he’s not sure if it’s the heat or maybe he just didn’t eat enough. Whatever it is though, he isn’t about to let it ruin his day. 

 The four of them hop in the truck, Louis sitting beside Liam this time, and Zayn sees Liam walking up with Sully, a rifle thrown over his shoulder like it’s not actually a dangerous weapon. They each take their respected seats, Liam throwing them all smiles while starting the rover. Shortly after, the truck is cruising easily through the pathways, Sully using a stick to catch all the spiderwebs that were made overnight. 

 The sun is bright, and Zayn really regrets not bringing his hat with him. He hates them, the way they flatten his hair down, but they work wonders against the African sun. Liam slows down, his radio nothing but shrill voices over the frequencies, men talking about a what sounds like a leopard sighting. Liam picks up his walkie then, a quick “10-4” and they’re racing across the dirt roads again. 

 He slows down and drives across the grass, looping around a large tree before stopping suddenly. 

 “There’s a female leopard in there, Sully’s gunna see if he can find her, but some other rangers saw her tracks not far from here,” Liam says while waving towards the trees. And right on cue Sully throws up his hand, motioning Liam to drive forward, so the truck starts moving again, Sully throwing hand signals left and right with Liam obeying quietly. 

 Harry is the first one to spot her with a rushed, “There! She’s over there!”, while animatedly pointing to a fallen tree. They all look over and sure enough she’s perched on top of the tree, looking around at her surroundings. She's absolutely gorgeous and Zayn wonders why people take these animals for granted, locking them in cages so people can gawk at them while they walk by. Her spots are of various design, all over her yellow fur, and the eyes are a piercing hazel lined with black. 

 “This one is a mother to the majority of our pack around here, she’s a sweet little thing. Not one for humans, but I’ve never seen her attack anyone, so no need to worry,” Liam says, while shooting a wave at another rover that’s parked on the opposite side. The two rangers both wave at each other a few times before Liam let’s out a giggle and a lopsided grin. 

 Zayn is trying to watch the leopard but is too distracted by Liam’s bright smile, the way his eyes crinkle when he’s genuinely happy, the stretching of his uniform over his biceps. Liam nudges Louis and whispers something to him, Louis replying with a laugh and pointing to the animal that’s not far from them. Zayn tears his eyes away to watch her slink down the tree, and he wonders what she’s thinking, whether she’s okay with these people surrounding her and watching. 

 “Do you think she’s happy?” Zayn asks then, nodding his head towards the leopard when Liam turns to look at him. “I mean, she’s in the wild and all, eating whatever she pleases. But she’s constantly being driven around, chased down by humans so we can watch them. I’d be annoyed, wouldn’t you?” 

Liam wipes the sweat off his forehead before angling his body towards Zayn. “Yeah, she’s happy. I know it, they all are. If we respect their land, their kills, and the way mother nature takes care of them, then they have no reason to be unhappy. They have a world of space here. It’s not just Kruger they inhabit, we’ve got a fence line down that way,” Liam says, pointing to the left of him, “And they cross over into the other land quite often. We don’t keep them here, we’re not a _zoo_.” 

 “What if they get hurt or summat? I mean that’s just life right, that’s what ‘appens, but do you guys like save them sometimes too? You know, they make all those National Geographic shows about saving wild animals.. Always wondered if those were real,” Niall adds while grabbing a water bottle from the cooler. 

 “Well yeah, sometimes. It really depends on the numbers. If we only have one female leopard, like this darling over here, then we protect her so she can reproduce. Once we have a few full grown females, we usually let nature run it’s course. We’re trying to protect them in an environment they’re safe in, we don’t want to let them go extinct because no one cared enough to save the one lone female in the pack. But I have a massive soft spot, I always wanna save em.” 

 Liam is looking straight ahead, into the trees behind them, like he’s completely lost in his thoughts. 

 “I ‘spose that’s good then.. Keeping them safe so they’re not endangered and all. I just hate zoos, the way they lock em up. ’m glad you don’t do that,” Zayn says, and yeah maybe he’s just talking because he wants Liam to look back at him and keep his attention there, but Zayn would never admit to that. But Liam doesn’t reply, just looks at Zayn with a soft smile and turns around to start the truck. 

 They back out slowly, and once they’re far away enough from the spot Liam floors it, driving into an empty area they haven’t been in, at least Zayn thinks they haven’t, it all looks the same to him. They park, Sully hopping off and Liam talking to him in that language again, before Liam turns to them and ushers them out of the truck. 

 “Hmm okay lads, time for the walk. I’ll be in front and the rest of you must stay in single file the entire time. There is no talking, and I will only be communicating by speaking to whoever is behind me, and the message will be passed on from person to person in only a whisper. You must not joke around in this setting, we are completely unprotected, aside from my rifle, and we cannot attract any attention to ourselves. Sully says there have been no tracks around here recently, so we should be okay, but I’ll try my best to keep you all safe. Is that _all_ understood?” And Liam looks so serious, his eyes dark and cold as he looks every one of them in the eye. 

 They all mutter a yes, which sheds Liam’s demeanor and puts those crinkles back beside his eyes. “Good, now off we go. Don’t forget anything in the truck, and I would suggest bringing a water. You’ll get dehydrated pretty quickly.” 

 They all form a line behind Liam, Harry is first, then Niall, Louis, and finally Zayn. He doesn’t really want to be in the back, but he supposes being as far from Liam as he can be is a good idea. Zayn doesn’t know what it is, maybe it’s the uniform or the way he seems so sure about himself, but Liam just sparks something inside of him, and not just in his dick because c’mon, Zayn at least has some emotion that’s not related to sex. 

 Not that he doesn’t want to push Liam up against that land rover and explore his body, see if that composure wears thin when Zayn licks down his torso, but he wants to know who Liam is. Figure out why he decided to engulf himself in danger in the middle of nowhere,  because Zayn knows someone couldn’t pay him enough to do it. 

 They’ve walked quite a bit by now, Liam only sending two messages back. One being ‘please drink some water, it’s ridiculously hot’ and the other being ‘stop shuffling your feet, you’re making too much noise’. Zayn looks around him and realizes they’re in an open field with no possible area for them to hide if they were to be attacked. 

 His stomach drops, the fear of the unknown wrapping itself around his nervous system, and it’s then that he realizes he’s sweating on every inch of his skin. Zayn doesn’t know if it’s from his parasympathetic nervous system (he only remembers a few things from his high school biology, that being one of them), or from the way he still feels dizzy, the nausea running through his stomach. 

 They pass through the field quietly and come out on a path lined with large trees, where Liam stops them to take a break. Zayn’s vision is blurry and he feels about ready to vomit, asking Niall for his water to try and cure his dry throat. He can hear the others talking, Liam laughing at something Harry said, and now he’s hunched over with his head down hoping to cure his dizziness. 

 “Zayn. Hey, Zayn.. Are you okay mate?” And it’s Louis, who’s now squatting beside him with his hand rubbing circles on his back. Zayn doesn’t say anything for fear of hurling, so he just shakes his head no, which oh god, just makes everything so much worse.

 “Hey Liam, I think Zayn might need a ride back. He’s not looking so good.”

 “We’ve only got about another 45 minutes left, can he last that long? I can speed through it if you’d like, get there faster.” Liam says quickly, his boots crushing the dirt as he walks over to them. 

 “No I’m not waiting. Can I go back? _Please_ , I’m about to pass out,” And Zayn’s voice his so soft, even raspier than before, his throat sticking due to the dryness. He looks up at Liam then, trying to muster his best pleading face. He was never good at puppy dog eyes, but they must work better than he thought because concern flashes over Liam’s face so quickly that Zayn almost doesn’t catch it. 

 Liam radios in to Hugo asking for the truck, but his voice keeps getting higher, anger seeping through, “No Hu, he needs to go back now. Yeah. Yeah okay. No I get that, but if something happens out here. Yeah. Wait no Hu, this has nothing to do with that.. He’ll just hold us back, you know that. It’s against protocol Hu, just get over here please. Yeah, okay 5 minutes. We’ll be there.” And Liam turns to them then, with a grimace before whispering to Louis.

 Louis nods, and squats back down beside Zayn, whispering in his ear, “We’ve got to walk another 5 minutes Zaynie. Just to the road, they can’t get the truck into this area. Is that okay? You can lean on me if you’d like.” And Zayn just wants to lay down, his head pounding now on top of everything else, but he nods weakly before standing, clutching Louis’ arm. Harry rushes over to help out on his other side, and they’re walking slowly, Liam chatting with Niall in front of them. 

 They get to the road shortly after and Hugo is already waiting, leaned up against the side of the rover. Liam walks up to him and they’re talking, all hushed tones and angry faces, before Hugo sighs and walks towards Zayn. 

 “Ah wait, you do look like shit. Must’ve got something from the storm last night. I’ll get you back so you can have a lie down, sound good?” Hugo asks, while replacing Lou and Harry’s arms. 

 “Yeah that’s fine. Thanks,” Zayn says before looking up to see Liam holding the door open for them, his brow furrowed and Zayn wonders why the two of them were arguing. If it was really that big of a deal, they could’ve just cut the whole trip short instead of him causing a big scene. He gets in the back seat, Liam getting in behind him and kneeling down by his knees.

 “You go straight to your room, okay? I’ll have Adorable and Calvin take care of you until we get back. Just rest up, sleep, maybe take a bath. Might make you feel better,” Liam whispers, his hand burning hot on Zayn’s skin. Zayn nods, trying for a smile, and it must be enough because Liam gets up and hops out of the truck. 

 “Bye Zaynie, we’ll see you in a bit,” Niall shouts as Hugo starts up the truck and drives away as quick as possible.


	8. Fever

Zayn awakes in a pool of sweat with a pounding headache, both accompanied by an impossibly bright sun that’s streaming through his windows. He groans and shifts his heavy body over onto the opposite side of the bed to get away from the drenched sheets, and checks the clock. The red 11:09 is blinking at him and fuck, he’s only been asleep for like 3 hours. 

After Hugo parked the truck at the lodge he walked Zayn to his room and told him to sleep as long as he liked and that he would send staffers to check on him, especially around dinner time since his phone was busted. And after he locked the door to his room, Zayn immediately took his clothes off and collapsed on the mattress. 

His throat was dry and he so badly craved for a bottle of water and a fag, but he knew his body was too weak to get up, so he reluctantly stayed in bed. He woke up again 2 hours later, their usual siesta time he realized, to a knock on his door and the sound of shuffling feet outside. With a grunted, “one second”, he rolled out of bed, threw on some trackies and opened the door to see Calvin with a tray of food. 

“Hey Zayn, uh, lunch is over and the lads felt bad you hadn’t eaten so I brought some stuff over. Hope that’s alright, you don’t need to eat it if you don’t want to though,” Calvin says as he waits for Zayn to allow him entry to his room. Zayn opens the door wider with a wave of his arm and a nod. 

“I’ll just put it here. It’s actually just a grilled cheese.. Louis said that’s what you would probably want as sick food or something, so yeah. I’ll be back later to see if you wanna come to dinner.”

“Yeah okay, thanks Cal,” Zayn says quietly and Calvin shoots him a smile for the use of the nickname as he walks out of the room. He closes the door and walks over to the food, realizing that yeah, he’s massively starving, but as soon as he picks up the silver lid he realizes he’s so nauseas that even looking at the melted cheese makes him want to hurl. 

He heads to the fridge instead, opting for a cold water, and chugs the entire bottle in 15 seconds flat. His body cringing at that annoying crushed plastic sound the bottles make when you empty them quickly, kinda like nails on a chalkboard, with the sound dragging across your spine and digging into your brain. With a quick toss of the bottle into the bin, Zayn retreats back to the bed to wrap himself in egyptian cotton sheets and pray he feels better when he wakes up.

Well, he doesn’t. If it’s possible he feels worse, his headache upgrading itself to a migraine in the space of his skull, his fever radiating heat off his body, his throat so dry he doesn’t even want to attempt to talk, and his whole body just aches something fierce. There’s not much he can do in the room, with no laptop and no telly, and he lent all his books to Louis so he could read them during their siesta’s. With a sigh, he forces himself to get up, padding over to the fridge to grab another bottle before heading to the washroom. 

Liam told him to take a bath and Zayn really isn’t one for baths. It’s like, sitting in your own filth for an extended amount of time, and that’s just really disgusting to him, but maybe the hot water with help his muscles. So with that, he fills the tub, noticing they gave him those fizzy bath balls that Perrie always used to use while they were dating, and throwing one in because why the hell not. He closes all the blinds, but props open the balcony door to get some fresh air because it’s starting to smell like sickness and grilled cheese. A quick strip of his trackies and boxers, and Zayn slips gingerly into the tub, leaning back and closing his eyes because wow, that really does feel amazing. 

All he can hear is the water gliding over his skin, his own breathing, and the sound of birds in the trees outside. It’s nice, he realizes, being surrounded by nature and the calmness of it all. He’s so used to the rushed lifestyle that Bradford and London hold, with the crisp air, the tourists, and the constant need to be on the go. Zayn never liked it, always preferring seclusion over being social, but after he met Louis and Harry the whole being social thing didn’t bug him as much.

They showed him the underground, the hole-in-the-wall places with the open mic nights and the fantastic food, giving Zayn a ton of inspiration for his work. He thinks they saved him from being washed up, from being a total failure at what he chose to do in his life. Without them he never would’ve been given a chance to sell at Verre, the gallery that created so much hype across the UK for their choice of selling no name artists like Zayn. They saw so much potential in him, noting that he should give them a shout out when he became a household name. 

He had laughed at them when they said it, but he was slowly making his way up the ladder despite his own doubts. Niall was right when he said Zayn was being modest, but  Zayn never saw the point in boasting his own ability. He saw his art as a way of expressing his own deep emotions and relaying sides of things people might not often see, so why would he accept lavish compliments on something that literally anyone could do if they put their minds to it?

The water had grown ice cold by the time he pulled himself out, skin pruned and shriveled, and his body was now cold too, so cold it induced shivers across his flesh. It was probably 30 degrees outside at minimum, and there he was dressing himself in trackies and a sweatshirt to keep himself warm. This is ridiculous, he thinks, I’m in bloody Africa with a chiseled and mighty fine bloke and instead of trying to get the guy to notice me, I’m stuck in here with the fucking flu. 

Zayn grunts and reaches for his pack of fags, the ache in his lungs too intense for him to keep pushing down. It’s a few quick drags outside on the balcony before Zayn sees the monkey watching him in the tree, it’s head cocked to the side like it’s intrigued. So Zayn, like any normal person, waves to it to try and illicit a response. The monkey does nothing, just stays still with it’s head tilted and Zayn waves again, this time moving his head to the side too, mirroring it. He feels stupid but it would be wicked if he could get this animal to move along with him, and plus, aren’t monkeys smart?

He’s completely done his fag by the time the thing repositions it’s head, but then it just slinks off down the tree, eerily similar to the leopard Zayn had seen that morning. With a sigh, he stubs out the butt, throwing it in the bin on his way to the bed. There’s nothing for him to do but cocoon himself in the blankets and fall back asleep, so he does just that because fuck it, he’s sick and sleep is supposed to help you get better right? 

 ---

Zayn doesn’t realize he’s slept through the whole night until his body jolts awake, a response to a gruesome fall in his dream. He’s covered in sweat again, hopefully from his fever breaking, and it’s pretty disgusting because the sweat managed to seep through his sweatshirt and he’s dripping. He gets up with yet another groan, it seems to be a reoccurring thing, and tears his sweater off and walks over to lay it by the tub to dry. 

He can hear someone outside his door and he’s not sure who it is so he pads over quietly to listen through the thick wood. 

“Yes sir, I will. I brought tea like you said. Yes, okay I’ll make sure I keep taking care of him. Is there anything else, Liam?” And the voice sounds like Calvin, but Zayn really can’t be sure, and why is he talking to Liam about him? But before he has time to let his mind run, the person knocks on the door, scaring the ever living shit out of him. 

Zayn opens the door holding his chest, not realizing he’s half naked until Calvin’s eyes widen and a blush creeps up his face. 

“Oh shit, sorry. I was just changing and forgot to throw something on,” Zayn says with his own heat rising to his cheeks. 

“Nah man, it’s fine. I’ve seen a lot of weird shit while working here, no big deal. But anyway, I brought you tea. Liam asked me to make sure you were okay, since he hasn’t really seen you since you came back yesterday. Guys got a heart of gold he does, always treats the guests like his own family,” Calvin laughs, putting the tea on the table that’s also occupied by his grilled cheese that he never ate. 

“Can you take that out? My room smells like old cheese and it’s making me want to vomit.”

“Uh yeah sure, do you want me to bring you any food? Liam said I should, but I figured you wouldn’t want anything..” Calvin asks, eyeing the recycling bin that’s overflowing with  water bottles.

Zayn smiles at Cal, “Yeah mate, just some water if you can. I’d love a muffin or something too, I’m starving.” Calvin just agrees with a nod before exiting the room, telling Zayn he’ll be back in 10 minutes with his stuff. 

He can’t really wrap his head around it, even his own best mates haven’t come to check on him or sent him anything, but Liam is getting Calvin to run his arse off to take care of him. Zayn thinks it’s weird, but Cal had said Liam always does it so he’s not special or anything. The rising feeling of disappointment is one Zayn doesn’t really care to think about. 

He rummages through the tea box, picking out a bombay chai packet and steeping it in his cup. It smells amazing and Zayn is so glad someone brought him tea because it’s something he hadn’t realized he needed. He pulls out his iPod and scrolls through the songs before landing on one of his favorite artists and pressing play. He cranks the volume through the tiny speakers, letting Sufjan Stevens voice flow into the room and envelope his mind as he croons through Futile Devices. 

Zayn starts to sing (how can you not sing to any of his songs, it’s impossible), and lets his voice mesh in perfectly, his own soft voice adding to the brilliance of the song. He’s not even holding back now, singing loudly in his room, “It's been four hours now, since I've wandered through your place,” when he hears the knock on the door, soft under the sound of the music, and he thinks it must be Calvin bringing him his muffins.

He keeps singing, “And when I sleep on your couch I feel very safe. And when you bring the blankets, I cover up my faaaace,” as he opens the door not really caring because it’s just Calvin and he just saw him half naked and didn’t care, which wait, he still hasn’t put a shirt on. Oh well. But as he looks up, his voice slowly moving into the chorus, he sees Liam. He’s standing in the doorway with a basket of things and- he’s singing? 

They both stare at each other for a few seconds, singing the chorus not to each other but to the space surrounding them, their voices harmonizing perfectly to Sufjan’s, “I do love you, I do love you”, and oh god this is the most awkward situation in history. Liam is blushing furiously and clears his throat before saying, “Uh, hi. I wanted to bring this over personally cause I wanted to just make sure you weren’t dying, but I got a little distracted by the song, sorry. It’s a good choice, I love Sufjan.”

But he’s smiling so brilliantly now, not giving Zayn any glimpse into what he’s thinking, and Zayn is just.. standing there with his mouth open. He’s so embarrassed, not only does he think this guy is totally fit, but they just sung some totally intimate lyrics to each other without a bat of an eyelash, and Zayn can’t even close his mouth out of courtesy. 

“Zayn? Are you alright mate?” Liam asks, his brow furrowing and his head tilting to the side.

“Oh, uh, yeah, sorry. Most people don’t know Stevens so I’m just a bit surprised to see you did. Let alone that you sing.. You’ve got a, uh, brilliant voice.” Fuck, he’s so completely embarrassed now. He’s rushing out the words like his mind is running a mile a minute, when in actuality his mind is going as slow as molasses in January. But luckily, Liam giggles, the blush not leaving his round cheeks. 

“Thanks, I used to sing when I was younger. Only do it for fun now and again. You’ve got quite the voice on you too,” he says with a wink and if Zayn wasn’t already crushing hard on this guy, he sure as hell was now. “Anyway, I brought by some things.. Mind if I come in and drop them off?” 

Zayn just nods and opens the door wider so Liam can slip inside. The song has switched to Passenger Seat by Death Cab and seriously, what is with these sad slow songs? Zayn itches to switch it but Liam is singing the words under his breath and it’s quite adorable so he decides to keep the song on. 

“Why’d you come and not Calvin?” Zayn asks, not catching the rude tone of the question before it leaves his mouth. He wrinkles his nose at it, opening his mouth to rephrase it, but Liam turns around still with a smile on his face and Zayn thinks there’s a hint of hurt in his eyes. 

“Like I said, I wanted to check on you myself. You haven’t come out of your room since you almost passed out on the walk, and I was a bit worried,” Liam says with a small smile, and he catches Zayn’s eyebrow raise and quickly stutters his words. “I mean, I- I always check on my guests, it’s my duty. You know, as the ranger of the group.”

Zayn wants to grab his face and kiss that blush off Liam’s cheeks. He finds the stuttering mess impossibly cute, but he opts for a laugh instead to try and ease the tension in the room. 

“All good mate, was just wondering. What’d you bring me? I see more than water and muffins in that little red riding hood basket of yours.” 

“Ha ha, very funny. I uh, brought you a sketchpad and some pencils too. You were saying that you wish you could draw the animals and stuff, and we had some pads buried in Hugo’s office and I thought maybe you could use it. Capture the things you see around the lodge and the fields and all,” Liam says quietly, pulling out the sketchpad and handing it to Zayn. 

Could this guy get any more adorable, holy shit, Zayn thinks. His body is getting fuzzy from the inside out, the gesture heartwarming enough to cure even the most serious of ailments. He still hasn’t said anything, hasn’t uttered a thank you to Liam for the gift, but instead is just standing there (again, like does he have any control over his body, c’mon), and staring at the pad in his hands. 

“I thought maybe you could draw us something to hang up somewhere. Our staff quarters are pretty bare, they’d look better with art. But you don’t need to use it, I just thought you might want to.” Liam has that frown on his face, that kicked puppy look he had when they didn’t manage to see any good animals that one day, and it’s physically hurting Zayn’s heart. 

“No, Liam, this is.. So nice of you. Thank you, really. I’ve got nothing better to do right now than draw so it’s very kind of you,” he says while looking up to meet Liam’s eyes with a smile that he hopes can cure that frown. It does and the one that Zayn gets in return is so big that Liam’s eyes are squinted shut, the crinkles on the sides larger than usual. 

“You’re welcome. Draw me something cool yeah?” he asks, and Zayn replies with a quick “yes, of course”, and that’s the end of the conversation. Liam leaves with a wave, apologizing because they have game drive and he’s sorry Zayn can’t make it, and Zayn just gives him a quick wave, saying that it’s okay, he’ll just draw while they’re gone, which earns him another bright smile before Liam is walking off down the path. 

Zayn closes the door with a sigh and turns around to go drink his tea, because it’s probably like ice now. He grabs the cup, turns around to go sit at the desk, and it’s then that he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, still half naked. He slaps himself in the forehead with his palm because, what the actual fuck Malik?! But Liam hadn’t said anything so that’s a sign that he’s not attracted to him right? Zayn would’ve pushed Liam against the wall had he opened his door half naked, and Liam hadn’t even let his eyes roam.. The familiar feeling of disappointment coils around his heart and Zayn just shakes his head and drinks his tea. 

“I’m being fucking ridiculous,” he says out loud, not to anyone in particular, but the walls echo it back at him like a slap in the face. 

 ---

It’s about dinner time when Zayn finishes his first drawing. It’s a rough sketch of the monkey he saw earlier, and Zayn thinks it’s pretty good considering he’s sketching with just a slight memory of the moment. He decided to get out of the room, get some good fresh air, and curled himself up on one of the lounge chairs in the common area. Adorable was hovering around him to make sure he had everything he needed, and he wondered if Liam had anything to do with that or if it was just wishful thinking. 

His stomach was growling at him, begging for food, so Zayn figured he’d maybe stay out here for dinner tonight and join the rest of the lads. They’d force him to eat, especially Harry, so he knew it would be a good idea. The sun was setting behind the trees in front of him, the colors ranging through a large spectrum, and it’s not a usual sunset. The ones over here aren’t fucked up by skyscrapers, pollution, or street lamps. They’re just sunsets, beautiful things asking to be immortalized in paint or photographs, to be shown off to the world, to the people who don’t get the privilege of seeing the precise moment the sun dips below the horizon. Or the way the colors mesh easily into the dark navy of the night sky, the constellations becoming clear in a matter of minutes. 

His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the truck, so Zayn hops up and walks quickly to his room to get changed and put his sketchpad away before dinner. As soon as he gets in he throws the pad on the bed, changes in record time, and slips out a cigarette from the pack. He’s low, only 5 left, but he figures he’ll just buy some shitty ones at the airport or something. Cracking open the patio door, he lights up and inhales. You can’t see the constellations from the balcony, the trees blocking the view, but Zayn can still see the deep color of the sky and the way the light of the moon finds it’s way through the branches.

There’s a knock on his door, accompanied by a, “Get your arse up and open the door ya lil wank-”, that Zayn interrupts by throwing the door open before Louis can finish.

“Don’t call me a wanker Lou,” Zayn says, closing the door behind him and stubbing out his fag as Louis takes a seat on his bed.

“Easy Malik, I’m joking. How ya feeling? I see you took advantage of your ‘servants’,” Louis says as he looks around the room at the basket and tray of tea.

“Maybe, maybe not. They said something about Liam asking them to do it? So I felt bad and asked them to grab me a few things.” Zayn sits down beside him, coaxing Louis’ hand to his back so he can massage the kinks out. Louis huffs out an annoyed sound with a raised eyebrow. 

“Is this okay?” He asks, waiting for Zayn’s weak head nod before continuing, “Good. Anyway, you know Mr. Fantasy Dreamboat keeps asking about you, and bossing around people to take care of you apparently. I think he’s more concerned than we are to be honest, wouldn’t be surprised if I found him over here nursing you back to health himself. Maybe if you get lucky, it’ll be with a sponge bath.”

“Oh piss off Lou. But uh, is he really? Asking about me that is?” 

Louis stops his massage to let out a laugh. “Yeah mate, he asked as soon as we got back yesterday. Seemed a little let down when you didn’t show up for lunch or dinner but was all smiles anyway. Why?”

“Nothing, he just stopped by today to see how I was. Dropped off a basket of muffins and a sketchpad for me to use,” Zayn says, averting his eyes because he knows he let loose a vital piece of information.

“Malik, you little tosser, did you not think to come over and tell me so we could schoolgirl squeal together?”

“It’s nothing Lou, just two people who just met being friendly. He does it with all his groups, even Calvin said that. He just happens to be really bloody attractive too, that’s all.”

“Bullshit Zayn. It’s something and you know it. You seem interested in him, if I can still read my signals right. But wait.. I thought you decided you were destined to be alone forever, Mr. Heart of Steel Malik, never to be loved again as long as he shall live. Why the sudden shift in emotion?”

They’re facing each other now, Louis trying to coax answers out of him with a soft smile and all knowing eyes, but Zayn doesn’t want to get into it, wishing he could sleep the day away instead. He looks up to see Louis still waiting and he sighs.

“Maybe there is, I dunno. There’s something about him, you know? He seems different, like he’s not the type to be a dirty fuckbag and cheat on someone. And he’s got those arms and those eyes and shit, I wish I could see what’s under that uniform cause I bet he’s fit as fuck Lou,” Zayn says. 

“You won’t do anything about it though, cause you’re a proper idiot. From what I’ve seen Zayn, that lad stares at you more than Harry stares at me, and I don’t know if that should make me upset or happy cause it’s kinda creepy.” 

“But I can’t do anything Lou, I’m not a one night stand kinda guy, I can’t do that shit.”

"Yeah you’re an emotional leech,” Louis adds, throwing his arms up in defense when Zayn goes to smack him.

“Shut up, I’m not. I just like the relationship stuff okay? Is that wrong of me, to want something like what you’ve got with Haz? But that stuff is messy and disappointing, and I never get the good stuff only the fucking cheaters and the lackluster displays of affection from girls who take me for granted.” Zayn’s head is on Louis’ shoulder now, his eyes getting too glossy to look him in the eye, and Louis has his arms wrapped around him. “Sometimes you just have to realize you’re not supposed to be that person that gets lucky and has someone who makes them feel alive. I’m just not that person Lou. Besides, I don’t even really know him, we live so far away from each other, and he definitely doesn’t like me.”

Louis sighs. “Relax Zayn. I’m not telling you to jump into bed with him right this second and ditch him in the morning, and I’m also not telling you to date the lad. I’m just saying you should explore your options, get to know him. You put up this front like you don’t need anyone, but everyone knows you do Zayn, you can’t be alone. We’re all tired of seeing you close yourself off, we want to see you happy. Start opening yourself up because you are one of those people and your person is out there somewhere. And get your head out of your arse, because that boy thinks you’re heaven sent.”

Zayn knows what Louis is saying is true, for the most part, but he just doesn’t want to admit to it. His cold front is something he’s worked hard to keep up, and he’s not going to let a really fucking fit lad ruin that, even though.. He might want him to. 

“Okay Lou, okay. I’ll get to know him, deal? But you’re wrong, he doesn’t like me like that. The guy walked in here when I wasn’t even wearing a shirt, and he didn’t even look at me once! Kept his eyes up here the whole time! Either I’m really not as hot as I thought I was, or he’s not interested,” Zayn says with his brow furrowed. But Louis just laughs and picks up Zayn’s head. 

 “You’re an idiot. Ever stop to think that maybe he was just trying to be a gentleman? But whatever, I’ll see you at dinner yeah? I assume you’re coming since you got dressed.”

 “Yeah, I’ll come. Pick me up when you go, since my phone doesn’t work,” Zayn shouts since Louis is already walking out his door to his own room. 

 “Will do love!” And Zayn really doesn't know why this guy is his best mate, but god, he loves him anyway.


	9. Stay Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late :((((( The holidays took over my life and I've been caught up writing another fic! But here it is, better late than never. It's also quiet rushed and I didn't edit or read through to make sure it was actually good (oops!) but whatever. 
> 
> ps. expect this to be updated slowly, as my next fic is a monster and has literally taken up all my brain capacity so there's not much room left for this story right now! but I will finish it, promise!! xx.

Louis gets him an hour later with Faith escorting them to the common area for dinner. The table is set up outside this time, with lanterns literally everywhere (table, ground, in the trees, you name it) and Zayn isn’t sure if he really wants to eat outside, cause bugs, duh. Niall and Harry are already there, Niall chatting to Cher again and Harry relaxing on one of the couches. Louis goes straight to the bar to grab a drink, or four, and Zayn thinks this is the perfect time to chat with Harry about Louis’ internal meltdowns. 

“Zayn! Oh how I’ve missed your cheekbones and pretty eyes, how are you feeling?” Harry asks as Zayn sits down beside him. 

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere Styles,” he says throwing an elbow into Harey’s side. “Feeling a lot better but not totally fit yet.”

“I’d say you’re totally fit,” Harry whispers lowly with a wink, and Zayn wonders how Louis puts up with this all the time.

“Shove off Haz. So uh, how are you and Louis? Everything good in the kingdom of paradise?” 

“Yeah.. Why do you ask? Did Lou say something?” Harry says quickly, his voice rising and his eyes getting wider with worry. Zayn really didn’t think this through because he has no idea what to say and he doesn’t wanna fuck this up.

“No no Haz, don’t worry. You know how he is though, I’ve known him my whole life, I know how this stuff goes. I just wanna make sure things are okay, he tends to muck things up without knowing it.”

“Oh. Yeah, no, things are fine. I think? Can I be honest with you?” He says as he angles his body, leaning closer which obviously means this is getting way too personal for Zayn’s liking. 

“Go ahead mate.”

“Hmm so like, I love him right? Like totally so fucked up gone in love, but I still have that feeling like he’s going to leave me for someone more interesting. Someone who won’t fall asleep when they get back from uni, and who doesn’t study every waking moment, or forget their anniversary. Once! It happened once! I was slammed at school Zayn, wipe that look off your face. But anyway, like I know he’s too good for me and I know he sees it. So why is he still with me?” 

The sadness is visible in the wrinkles on Harry’s forehead, the droop of his eyes, and the way he’s constantly nibbling on his bottom lip. Zayn feels sorry for him, only slightly, because this is nothing compared to what he’s gone through but he guesses it must be new for them; the disappointment. 

“I get it Haz, but you’re wrong. He loves you so bloody much, I don’t even know how his heart hasn’t exploded. You’re it for each other, the ones people write films about, the lovers that are destined to be together forever despite your own separate insecurities. I’ll give you some insight into the mind of Louis Tomlinson, he thinks he’s not good enough for anyone. He’s grown up in a divorced household with no serious relationships in his life, so he figured he’d just be alone. I’m surprised he even managed to keep you, to be honest Haz. But he loves you like you’re the sun and he’s that small star circling just outside of your orbit, forever looking up to you because you shine brighter than anything he’s ever seen. And he’ll be there forever because he’s not going to find anything quite like you anywhere. People like you don’t just exist Harry, he’s lucky to have you and he knows it. Both of you are so daft it’s insane.” 

Zayn finishes his speech by throwing his hands up in exasperation because holy fuck, these two are so beyond blind. Harry is just sitting there, staring at him, and Zayn isn’t sure if he’s even breathing until he lunges forward and grips him in the tightest grasp possible. 

“Thank you. I’m stupid I know, but thank you, for making me really see it,” Harry whispers into his shoulder and now Zayn sees why Louis loves this guys so much, cause Zayn’s heart is swelling and he wishes he could bottle it for those days when he feels inexplicably lonely. 

Zayn doesn’t say anything back, just holds Harry in his arms until he looks up to see Louis watching them from the bar with a smile on his face. 

\--- 

Dinner is disgusting, not because of the food because it’s actually very delicious, but the bugs are killing it. They’re crawling all over the table, a weird looking one with wings landing in Zayn’s drink and he wants to vomit, but thankfully not from sickness. 

Him and Niall catch up the whole time, with Harry and Louis not being able to rip their eyes away from each other but Zayn guesses it might be a good thing. It’s a gorgeous night, the sky clear and the stars bright and all he wants to do is paint. Submerge his mind in it, bring something to life in his own style, but he can’t. All he can do is draw, which doesn’t give him the same satisfaction.

Niall points to behind Zayn with a grin and just as he goes to turn around, his vision is blocked by none other than Hugo. 

“Ayyyy Hugo! Mate, sit down, have a pint!” Niall shouts at him, throwing up his own beer, it sloshing all over the table. 

“Nah man, I’ve got to hit the hay. Big day tomorrow, we’re supposed to be getting our security back up. I see you’re back up and running Zayn? Did Liam’s servants take good care of you then?” He laughs out, now Calvin and Niall are smiling too, and Zayn feeling like he’s left out of something. 

“Uh, yeah. Thanks for everything, I feel a lot better,” Zayn mumbles, clearly feeling stupid for not understanding whatever they’re implying. 

“He was rummaging through my back office for hours yesterday, fucking hours man, I was trying to work! All to find that stupid stash of sketchpads we have, don’t know why we have them in the first place but they come in handy every now and then. Never seen Liam so eager to take care of a guest,” Hugo says with a wink and Zayn can feel the heat bubbling up, the blush teetering on the edge, threatening to break over and illuminate his face in pink. “Did he give you the pad?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah I got it. What do you mean, eager?” Zayn asks because bloody hell he hates being in the dark, and he really needs to know what’s going on around here.

“Zayner, mate, you know that lad is-,” but Niall never gets to finish his sentence, cut off abruptly by the sound of Liam running out from behind the trees, his boots slamming hard on the gravel. 

“Hu-Hugo, there’s a lion out there. Not far from the camp. We need to maneuver it away from here, can’t put everyone in danger. Can you get Sully for me? Maybe call Richard too, we need to work quickly, he can smell the meat from their dinner.” Liam’s face has fallen, fear and determination both equally etched on his face. 

“Which one is it Liam? Which lion?”

“I think it’s Mahlathini,” Liam shouts out before running up to table and ushering the boys into the common area. Zayn can hear Hugo say a loud “fuck!”, before he runs off to his office, and Calvin, Faith, and Adorable are quickly clearing the table.

“I don’t understand, what’s happening Liam?” Harry asks quietly, gripping tightly onto Louis who looks so scared that Zayn could probably laugh, but he’s too worried to do anything but wait for Liam’s answers. 

“Well, we’re supposed to have our fences put back up and our security fixed tomorrow. But of course, just like anything out in Kruger, the predictable happened and the pride decided to wander over the night before we were set to do it.”

“Okay. And that’s really bad? Why did Hugo freak out? Who’s Mahlathini?” Louis says, now turned towards Liam with a cocked eyebrow, and he’s waiting for answers, clear answers on what’s exactly happening. 

Liam swallows and wipes his forehead before standing in front of them so they can all see him, his rifle resting cooly on his shoulder.

“Mahlathini is the pride leader. He kills anything and everything that gets in his way, even his own. We’ve been trying, unsuccessfully, for a year to try and tame him and get him to only kill what is necessary for him and his pride. But he doesn’t understand, so he just does what he wants. He’s dangerous and this isn’t the best scenario, I won’t lie to you lot, but I told you I’d keep you safe, right?” His face looks so genuine and sincere, like he wouldn’t even let a fly land on them, and Zayn trusts him. He doesn’t know why but he does.

“Yeah Liam, you did. Is there anything we can do?” And Zayn finds his arm reaching out to touch Liam’s, his body just.. moving, without him controlling it. But he likes it. Liam’s arm is warm and Zayn just wants to pin it behind him and knock him to the ground, wipe that fear off his soft face with a slow grind of his hips, but his thoughts are interrupted by a loud cough and Zayn realizes he’s got Liam’s arm in a death grip. He lets go immediately, sensing all the boys eyes on him, but he doesn’t look up. 

“Uhh, no. Just stay here, maybe I’ll put you guys in Hugo’s office until we get everything under control,” Liam says, his eyes still trained on Zayn but his voice just as calm as ever.

The boys all nod, standing there in the common area with people running around them in a frenzy. The recreational lights have been dimmed, the spotlights the only ones shining bright, and the food has been cleared off their table. Zayn can see Hugo directing everyone to the staff quarters and it’s then that he realizes this might actually be quite serious. 

“Hey Liam, go take them to my office and lock ‘em in there until this is dealt with,” Hugo yells, his voice echoing off the wooden beams, and now they’re all being ushered into a small corner room with a small desk and a large closet full of files. 

“Take my flashlight, keep the lights off and try not to make any noise okay? I’ll come let you out as soon as I can,” is all they hear from Liam before the door slams and the lock clicks from the outside. The sound of one of the rovers is impossibly loud in the distance and there are several different voices shouting through the camp. 

“I didn’t get to finish my dinner though, can’t just lock a lad in a room with no previsions. That’s just rude,” Niall whispers, breaking the tense silence in the office that Zayn hadn’t realized was there. 

A laugh bubbles out of Harry and Louis scrambles to cover his mouth with his own hand, stifling the giggle before it makes too much noise. 

“You heard Li, can’t make any noise you tossers so shut up and just twiddle your thumbs or summat.” Of course Louis is the self-appointed group leader, always thinking he should automatically be in the position of superiority since he’s older than the others. Zayn thinks anyone but Louis should be the leader, his sass and loud attitude not being the best suited for the job, but no one ever steps up to do it so he just keeps quiet.   
They sit in silence for what seems like hours before the sound of a gun ripples through the air, all of them jumping simultaneously. There’s some more distant shouting, another gunshot and then it goes silent. Zayn thinks it must be over but then he hears the scream, the cry of a woman whose either been caught in the crossfire or has seen something horrific, and Zayn wonders if their “brocation” has taken a turn for the worst. 

Louis is standing now, peering out the window to try and see what’s happening but he turns around and shrugs his shoulders, which Zayn takes to mean he can’t see shit. There’s shouts right outside now, rough voices echoing off the common room walls and the sound of a rover pulling up. But just as soon as they came, the voices disappear and it’s eerily quiet again. 

Harry stands up this time, his hand circling around the door handle in an attempt to get out of the room. 

“Did they seriously lock us in here? What if everyone dies and we can’t get out? Huh? I will not die in a stuffy office in the middle of Africa for fuck’s sake!” Harry says, banging on the door with his fist and Zayn knows it’s pointless to do since everyone’s attention has been put on whatever caused that poor woman’s scream. 

Louis tugs his arms down to stop him and Harry reluctantly sits back down with a sigh. They’re encompassed in silence again, sitting for at least another hour before the lock on the door clicks and the door opens, Calvin stepping inside and flicking on the lights.

“Heyo! Sorry you guys were in here for so long, but Hugo got caught up in another emergency so we all kinda forgot about you before Liam yelled to get you all out of here. Caring guy, Liam, even when he should be focusing on himself,” Calvin says with a smile while all of them get up slowly off the floor and walk back into the common area. 

“Where is Liam?” 

“Oh, he’s in the medical cabin right now. Everyone else is in there too, but you guys should head to bed, I’ll take you there right now, yeah?”

Zayn stops walking, Calvin’s words slowly weaving in one hear and out the other and he speaks without thinking first, embarrassment being his emotion of choice this trip apparently.

“What happened Cal? What happened to Liam?” Zayn says, his voice coming out far harsher than he intended and the rest of the boys stop, turning towards Zayn and then looking at Calvin to hear his answer. 

“Uh, nothing it’s okay. You guys should really go to bed, c’mon.”

“Okay well now we know you’re hiding something, you should work on your lying skills there Mr. Bartender. Where’s Liam?” Louis asks again. Calvin sighs, and points towards the staff cabins.

“Like I said man, in the medical cabin. I don’t know if I’m allowed to take you in there, you’re just guests, but I can if you really want.”

A chorus of yes’ rings through the room, earning another sigh from Calvin, who turns on his heel and heads the other direction. 

“Fine, c’mon then, but if anyone asks I’m saying you guys forced me under knifepoint to take you or something,” Calvin says with a laugh.

“Nah mate, that story will never work. Listen to me mate, work on your lying skills,” Louis says again with a slap to Calvin’s back, which makes him break out in laughter and he gives a reciprocating slap to Louis’ shoulder. 

They walk quickly to the medical cabin, Zayn not realizing it was literally just outside the common area on the opposite side of their own cabins, and he quickly notices that Calvin was right; everyone is there. Most of them are standing outside talking, but their voices are too hushed for Zayn to understand what the conversation is about. With a few mumbled apologies Calvin drags the four of them into the cabin and stands beside Hugo, who is staring intently at the bed in the corner. 

“Hey Hu, I’m sorry but they really wanted to see Liam and I couldn’t say no to Zayn’s death stare,” Calvin whispers as he shoots Zayn a wink.

“It’s okay, didn’t expect any of them to sleep soundly after tonight. Go on then, if you want to go say hi then go, just don’t get in the way.”

Zayn nods and steps forward, hearing the other lads footsteps behind him as he approaches the bed. One of the nurses looks up at him as he gets closer, giving him a small smile before gesturing to the left of her as she slides open the tiny curtain covering the bed. 

All Zayn sees is a wave of red and then Liam’s small round face, scrunched up in what can only be perceived as utter agony. He hears a hushed “Oh my God” from Louis behind him and it’s then that Zayn notices why Liam is in the bed. Why everyone is outside, why Hugo looks so damn worried, and why there’s a bin filled with bloody gauze and tissue. There’s a large gash stretching almost the whole length of Liam’s arm, the blood still pouring out of the wound. 

Zayn doesn’t hear or see much else before his vision goes black and the world becomes quiet.


End file.
